Do the Best Run You Can

As this winter Olympics closes, I found there were powerful lessons to take away from watching the incredible athletes compete on the world stage.  Two events were particularly compelling.

I happened to be watching when Ester Ledecka completed her surprising run down the mountain in the women’s super-G to win the gold. The expression on her face was priceless as she was genuinely surprised by her time.  It was lovely to watch the disbelief turn to joy.  She said on her thoughts at the top of the gates, “I was standing there as a snowboarder a little bit in my heart, and all the girls are just (Alpine) specialists and there was a lot of pressure on them. I was just, `C’mon, just do the best run you can, skier.’”

“Just do the best run you can.”

When Nathan Chen skated his way from 17th up to 5th in the men’s figure skating, achieving the highest free skate score in history, he said, "Putting down such a rough short program and being so low in the placement, it just took all the pressure away from me. I no longer felt like I was even striving for that first-place spot. It was mostly just me being on the ice and enjoying myself."  He has repeated he had nothing to lose. “I allowed myself to just completely forget about expectations and just allowed myself to be myself.”

“Just allowed myself to be myself.”

What if all of us lived this way every day, allowing ourselves to be who we are, letting all the pressure and expectations fall away, striking out into our life experience just doing the best run we can?

What could we achieve? 

How much happiness and satisfaction could we experience taking this approach?

I encourage you to find one thing today and try it. I bet the results will surprise you.

The Launch of Sandra Fischer Healing Arts

Wow!  The past few years have been ones for the books. After launching Relationship Reveal and experiencing the joy of helping others grow, I knew I wanted to do more.

Years back I tried hypnotherapy and loved it as a modality for growth, exploration, spiritual connection, and emotional well-being. I was a passionate convert and a fan.  It made perfect sense for me to choose this as a tool to support others.  And, I was already an energy healer so I put the two together and recently launched my hypnotherapy and energy balancing practice.

Hypnotherapy has been around for centuries and current research has confirmed its ability to successfully help people do everything from relieve anxiety and lose weight, to opening the door for creative and spiritual exploration. For more about hypnotherapy, click here.

I am beyond excited about this new step on a career journey that started nearly 30 years ago. Time flies!  Everything I've done previously has led me to this point and it feels amazing.

I am grateful for everyone who has influenced me and been on this joy ride. I have grown from my personal relationships and every client who has walked through my door. 

Curious how hypnotherapy can help you, a loved one, or even help your work teams be more innovative?  Send me a note and we can set-up a discovery call. 

To learn more, visit my website, Sandra Fischer Healing Arts. 

Wishing you the most amazing 2018 and a magical journey to fulfill your dreams!

With gratitude,

Sandra

Long Distance Relationships and Communication

The Lifestyle blog, Belle Brita, did a wonderful piece on long distance relationships and communication. While LDR's can be challenging at times, they are also great avenues for building great communication skills because you end up doing a lot of that over time. Relationship Reveal can play a significant role in getting to know each other over the miles!  Read more here.

"Being in a long-distance relationship (or medium-distance relationship) meant than Dan and I talked all the time. We couldn’t just veg out and watch a movie or go to the zoo. While we did play online games together, most of our Skype dates involved hours of conversation."

Interview with Sandra Fischer About Relationship Reveal

People often ask me questions about Relationship Reveal such as what was the inspiration, what can single people get out of it, or what did I discover about myself as I created it. Find the answers to these questions and more from my interview with the folks at the Start Marriage Right blog, a really awesome collection of information, tips and tricks on making relationships work.

http://www.startmarriageright.com/2017/02/playing-way-better-relationship/

The Case for Personal Space

The wonderful website, Start Marriage Right, published an article of mine on why personal space is both scary and important. Take a look through the link below.

"With our partners, we are at our most vulnerable. They hold our hearts, and sometimes, it seems, our very sanity. Intertwined lives create interdependence and our emotions, finances, and identity can become tightly bound together, further increasing the risk we take when we trust another."

http://www.startmarriageright.com/2017/02/learning-make-room-relationships/

"The reality is that we cannot ever be someone’s ‘everything’, even if we may want to be. We want to be the sole provider of happiness to our partners because it makes us feel safe. But nothing is ever certain and the only thing we can ever do is believe in our own value and give each other the space to pursue what ignites them."

#staymarried blog

I had a chance to talk with amazing Michelle and Tony of the #staymarried blog. A podcast will be coming later but in the meantime, they included Relationship Reveal in a list of 12 awesome marriage resources that aren't books.  Check it out!  Thank you both!  

"This is a game unlike any other. Instead of finishing ahead of your opponent or scoring more points, the point of this “game” is to gain understanding – of yourself and your partner. Relationship Reveal was designed by Sandra Fischer, a professional writer and consultant with a diverse background specializing in communications, people development, and optimizing organizational effectiveness. Her expertise comes through in the design of the game. Tony and I took it with us on a weekend getaway and had one of the most revealing conversations we’ve ever had! You can find it here."

http://staymarriedblog.com/12-awesome-marriage-resources-that-arent-books/

Saucy Advertising

Some people would say I am pretty silly and a bit of a goofball so it is not surprising we came up with some not so serious ads for Relationship Reveal.  Let us know what you think! 

It's too late for Henry but Relationship Reveal can work magic in your relationships. Use the cards to explore your relationship skills solo or with a partner or friend. A perfect, unique Valentine's Day gift for the people you love.

Be different this Valentine's Day. Give the gift of your time and conversation with Relationship Reveal as your guide. With a partner, friend or solo, you make an investment in you and your partner. How great is that!

Attachment Styles

On the journey to Relationship Reveal (RR), I encountered many different points of view, robust research, and theories that help people understand the complex nature of human interaction. One that sticks with me, and is the theoretical foundation for RR, is attachment theory formulated by John Bowlby based on research on infant bonds with their caregivers.

What does that have to do with adult relationships? Well, as it turns out, how you bonded with your primary caregiver in your childhood, impacts how you relate, especially under stress, with your partner. How you attach (there are four different attachment styles) can have positive but also devastating impacts on your self-esteem, self-worth, and fulfillment from intimate relationships.

From an article on Psychology Today by Lisa Firestone Ph.D. Director of Research and Education for the Glendon Association.  "Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood." 

Understanding your attachment style and your partner's can help you see behavior patterns and their source, and provide tools to help you reduce frustration. When that happens you can be more empathetic and open up allowing for secure, healthy connections between you and the people you love. Most people seek to be seen and loved but for some it is harder to get there due to fear of not being enough or not feeling worthy of love.  I believe attachment theory can help more people get to a place of peace and connection with their hearts all in one piece. 

The four attachment styles are:

• Secure Attachment
• Avoidant Attachment
• Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment
• Disorganized Attachment

Rather than reinvent the wheel, here are some terrific and simple articles on attachment.

http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201507/what-is-your-relationship-attachment-style

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-change-your-attachment-style/

A couple of excellent and easy to digest books on the subject that are well worth reading are below. Click on them and you will go to Amazon for a better look and purchase.

* Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind-and Keep-Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

* Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson

If you are struggling to connect with your partner, take a look at your attachment style and your partner's to see if perhaps it is getting in the way. Find ways to reach out and work together to learn how to create a positive attachment to each other. No matter what the outcome, you will both grow in the process and learn an aspect of what drives your behavior.

With well wishes for happiness.

The Art of Right Timing in Communication

This is a critical skill for relationship success and is definitely a card in the Relationship Reveal deck.  Check out this guest post I wrote for the wonderful blog, Engaged Marriage, a terrific resource for building your relationship skills and connection.

http://www.engagedmarriage.com/the-art-of-right-timing-in-communication/

Our Small Business Journey

About eight years ago, a friend and I were talking about how challenging communication in relationships could be. I thought it would be great if we knew all the things that would help make us more successful, kind of like detailed instructions.That idea percolated for five years and the need remained so the journey to Relationship Reveal was born.

It was my first adventure developing a product. I knew I could tackle the main development and writing, but I would need subject matter experts, designers, editors, testers, legal support, an accountant, production and assembly, and a really great printer.  And, by the time I was done, a really great mental health professional for my own sanity.  The team came together with these great people.

I was passionate about maintaining control of my vision and being able to maintain my core values of:

• Supporting resources in my local community especially other solo/entrepreneurs.
• Keeping printing production in the United States.
• High quality results from design and usability to look and feel of the paper.
• Only adding something to the marketplace that is needed and delivers value to people's lives.

One other critical item was finding sales channels to get the product to people who would benefit from it.  Amazon is a given for a single product producer, but I was also hoping for retail exposure in small shops and bookstores. The product was designed for touching and interaction. In the end though, the cost structure and distribution has made it tough to sell in the retail marketplace so we chose Amazon and then local craft shows, conferences and other public venues where small producers can create displays without permanent overhead.

After 20 months of work, we launched at the end of February, 2016.  I learned a lot along the way about what I know, what I needed to learn and wish I would have thought about sooner, and also, how hard it is to lose faith in what you are doing, but then with the right people supporting you, how easy it is to get it back again.

I don't know what the final tally will be on Relationship Reveal, but I am certain it is a success. I kept to all of my values and in the end we all delivered on something we can be proud to be part of.  And, the reports from the field are that it has changed people in positive ways and they are creatively finding new uses that I had not imagined. I love that!

I am proud to be a small business owner and to be part of a vibrant community of entrepreneurs who are trying to carve out a creative and financially viable niche.

Thank you for purchasing Relationship Reveal and supporting another small business. I am grateful for your support.

Our first pallet assembled and ready for Amazon.

Fun Interview on New Day Northwest

Thank you to Margaret Larson for the wonderful conversation about Relationship Reveal on King5's New Day Northwest!  To learn a few simple ways to invest in your relationship check it out.

Winner in the Living Now Book Awards 2016

It has been an exciting fall for Relationship Reveal.  It was a proud day when we won the Silver medal in the Relationship and Marriage category in the Living Now Book Awards. 

"The Living Now Book Awards celebrate the innovation and creativity of newly published books that enhance the quality of our lives, from cooking and fitness to relationships and mature living."

I love what this award stands for and am honored to be part of the wonderful group of books recognized and entered in this meaningful contest.  

Why I Write: A Little More About Me

While I know this isn't exactly about relationships, I came across it the other day and thought it might shed a little light on the person who created this tool. 

Why I Write

As soon as I could read, my nose was buried in a book. My mother would scold me when she found me setting the table with a book in one hand and the soon-to-be misplaced silverware in the other. Travel to new places was easy under a layer of blankets aided only by a flashlight and a good story long after I was supposed to be asleep. My spirit of adventure blossomed fighting battles next to Gandolf or sitting on the banks of Plum Creek with Laura. Galloping through the forests of Big Bear alone, I could almost feel the powerful lope of Black Beauty beneath me as the wind ruffled my hair. In my imagination, I could be anyone and do anything; I was powerful.

When I was not able to read, I retreated into my thoughts, creating my own heroines and adventures that took me far away from the realities of life. I started writing stories in my head while driving down the bleak colorless landscape framing the interstate between my parent’s home and my college campus. Movie dialog wrote itself as the radio blared the soundtrack, and novels sprung from my own youthful dreams about how life could be. My mind never stopped asking the question, “What would you with your life if you could do anything?” I found a thousand different answers from sword fights in made up lands to hard won love in the big city.

All grown up, the creating and writing habit has never left. Putting words together feels like art. It creates beauty, emotion, and a deep sense of connection through relatable experiences presented in a collage of imagery, desires, experiences, and feelings. The characters I have nurtured have stayed with me, and as time passes, the more these intimate friends have to say about living. They demand a voice now.

So, why do I write? Because I can’t not write. Like a bug bite, once bitten, it itches like crazy until I relieve the itch.

But…I suppose the real reason is simpler than that.  It’s fun, and it makes me happy.

Love

If you don't love yourself and believe you are lovable, no amount of external affection or validation will be enough to fill you up.

Launch Day

It is really hard to believe this day is here. Five years of holding on to the idea, letting it percolate, then another two to get it from that spark in my head to a store shelf. This morning, I thought it must feel a little like sending a kid to college. You've done the best you could to get them ready for the real world, but now it's kind of up to them. They will still require nurturing, and attention but it's not the same. You hope they will do some good and make a positive difference in people's lives. That, at least, is what I hope for Relationship Reveal™. 

This blog will post thoughts and information about the individual cards, and I will share what I am learning about how people are using them. I hope you will send me your thoughts to info@relationshipreveal.com.

So, here we go folks! On to the next part of this incredible journey. I'm glad you are with me.